a small confession

do you know, how much feelings i have towards u...? there's alot of things i should've tell u, i just couldn't find the confident, couldn't find the courage, to tell u everything, from the deepest place in my heart.

sometimes, there are some words unable to say it out loud...

i understand, tat maybe i am not fit to be with u, not fit enough to carry these feelings for u so strongly, maybe i'm not the one special tat you dream of... but why...? i also don't noe. this feeling of mine, is a pain... seriously it hurts... final is coming yet i'm worrying abt this still. It's has begun since the 1st sem. yet... it grows continuously till now. I've tried alot of ways to kill it, but i ended up hurting myself, physically n mentally. It's a bother, really... but i could not do anything to get rid of it.

sometimes i wish, u could just tell me sincerely, what am i to you? who am i?

am i just a frien? merely a frien...? can't a guy ask for more? can we be more than friends?

i dunno whether should i say all these or not, but it's been hidden in my heart for a long time. Confusing, heartache, pain all stirring together and drowning me in sorrow.

why? why am i different from others?

am i just an alien?

i'm lost... god, can u guide me...? i know there r far more alot of people facing more serious issues and some are even far worse than i am. but... i am lost...

i don't know wad else to do... should i just let go...?

it's so devastating... does *tat person* noes how i feel?

does she noes how much i care for her?

IF...
i'm dead...
will anyone cry...?
will anyone care...?
probably not...
i laughed when i see myself thinking this... haha, stupid head...


i'm pathetic...
why can't i let go like others do?
i'm useless...
why can't i go on my regular life without friends?
i'm too stupid...
why can't i be more MATURED??

god... i'm seriously... dunno what else should i do anymore...

i guess the only thing i can care now... n focus on

is my final...
but i doubt i'll score well....
doubt tat how long i can stand the pressure n frustration...
giv me a break...

i wanna forget.... forget everything... everything....